Kimi No Naku De Yasashisha
by Hoshi Tenshi
Summary: A tanjoube-fic, just for Syaoran-sama! It's a day late... T-T I know...don't kill me! [A first season manga-storyline-fic] So sugary, my teeth rotted away while writing it. ^^ Enjoy minna!


Written in the honor of Syaoran-sama's tanjoube! (13th of July!) X] Arigatou Clamp, for giving such a wonderful bishy to us!   
  
This takes place around the time right after the Erase Card incident, meaning right after the 'summer school' thing is over...I just assumed that the program would begin at the start of vacation, going on for a few weeks, then they give the students the rest of the holiday off...^^ And since Syaoran's b-day is placed in July, conveniently a few weeks after school is over...a fic was born ^-^  
  
Yeah, I know. I'm a sucker for a first season romance....._=T  
  
  
(Tenderness Within You)  
  
Glancing down at the empty piece of paper, I sigh impatiently. White, blank, and clean, my loose leaf reflects my own mind. For some reason, I can't seem to concentrate on the homework assignment. Tapping the end of my sharpened pencil against the desk, I frown. This wasn't getting me anywhere.   
  
Pushing back my chair, I wince at the scraping sound it makes and stand up. I should be starting on my paper...but I can't seem to be able to think. Maybe a hot drink would help, or...  
  
Inviting, green eyes suddenly form in my mind's eyes.   
  
Shimatta. I'm starting again.   
  
Shaking my head to clear the thought, I rush to the kitchen to make some tea. Flicking on the lights, I walk towards the cupboard for a mug. The sudden flash of fluorescent light helps the image go away. Pulling out a steel teapot, I fill it with water from the faucet and set it on the stove.  
  
As I wait for the water to boil, I lean against the spotless counter and fold my arms.  
  
The apartment looks so empty...I hate living alone. I find myself missing my home back in Hong Kong.  
  
The only audible sounds around me is the soft hissing of heating water. Back home, there were always birds singing in the garden, and the laughter of my sisters.  
  
I don't miss my mother much...but I do miss my sisters. When I was younger and hurt myself in training, or got scolded by okaa-san, they would gather round me, giving warm hugs and words of comfort.  
  
Although, I _have_ discovered something new during my stay in Japan-- Friends.  
  
In Hong Kong, making friends and having fun wasn't permitted by the Elders, due to the reason that we were always training. Now, in this small town called Tomoeda, I've found people whom I could call 'friends.'   
  
One in particular, I should add...the most unlikely one of all. It's strange, I came here as a rival to...well, _her_, and I ended up actually being on decent terms with the very same person.   
  
This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be collecting the Clow Cards. But with everyday that I spend with her, I find it harder and harder to find the will to go against her. I even find myself refusing her offers of _giving_ me the Cards after she had sealed them. When she asked me to take the 'Erase' Card during the summer... I think that's when it finally hit me.  
  
She doesn't want to compete with me.  
  
All my life, I've been challenged and I had challenged, it was the way of the Li Clan, fighting was a part of survival. But never had anyone turned me down. It was almost as if there wasn't the option of walking away without being dishonored.   
  
In the lifestyle of the Li Clan, choosing not to fight was like giving up. Losing.  
  
But Sakura... She chooses not to be rivals with me, yet, it's not as if she was forfeiting. In fact, it's strange that she's not fighting with me; considering she has been the one who has succeeding in getting all the Cards up until now, she should be able to win easily. Still, she chooses not to go against me.   
  
However, she also chooses _not_ to walk away. I've never met anyone in my entire life who was so stubborn. Stubborn on making peace with people who seem to despise her. It's almost as if she's puzzled as to why they won't be friends with her when she hadn't done anything wrong.   
  
I think that's what made me more or less resigned to her insistent friendship. I can't hate her. It's impossible to.  
  
What a puzzling girl! She contradicts herself so much, it's confusing.   
  
She is very athletically able, and no doubt pretty strong for a girl her size and age. And yet, she is so fragile on the inside. A few words, a small incident, is enough for her big emerald eyes to dilute with tears.   
  
She is a pacifist, but she fights when it is necessary. Even if she doesn't like violence, I think she realizes when a situation calls for action. It is quite admirable of her.  
  
She is always agreeable and willing to go along with others, giving into requests from friends-- like Daidouji --with a smile always upon her lips. But in battle, no matter how hopeless it seems, she recovers quickly, and refuses to give up.  
  
Truly a paradox.  
  
I jerk away from my thoughts as the shrill whistling of the teapot brings me back to reality. I switch off the gas and slowly pour the hot water into the mug, filled with tea leaves. The water stains a deep brown as I watch. Taking a deep breath, I take in the scent of the fragrant tea, before sipping carefully at the burning liquid.  
  
She is strong minded...but there's so many times when her emotions get the better of her, and tears overflow from her sad eyes.  
  
She has so much potential though...she could be able to take care of herself quite efficiently. But since she hasn't been trained properly, she always seems to need a little help.   
  
Like the battle with Shadow. I don't know what came over me when I jumped in to take the bolt of power for her. She just looked so...helpless, as she kept dodging the attacks, barely escaping. She needed rescuing, and I couldn't stop myself.   
  
I tried to defeat Shadow too of course, partially because I wanted the Card, and partially because...well, she would've been in danger unless I defeated it.   
  
Did I say 'she?' I meant to say 'we.' Sou. _We_ wouldn be in danger unless I defeated it. Yes, that's it.  
  
Then again, my magic wasn't strong enough. However, she took a hint from my idea and was able to defeat the Card pretty easily.  
  
Afterwards, she didn't even bother pausing to write her name on the Card or anything, she barely glanced at it before rushing over to me. That look of concern in her eyes...  
  
To tell the truth, I was expecting a look of triumph from capturing the Card despite what I had said earlier. But, no. Her eyebrows drawn together worriedly and her gaze...a mixture of gratitude and fear. Fear, for my well being, of all things! Her hands were gentle as she wrapped her own handkerchief around my arm. I was dumbfounded as she smiled and said, "I'm grateful for you protecting me, I thought of it with the thunder you made."  
  
I honestly was startled beyond words, and when I found my voice, I could only say harsh things. As I left, I heard her indignant voice calling, "I'm going to do my best! I'm going to collect all the Cards, zettai!" after me. I seriously had to try hard not to think how kawaii her voice is when she's determined.  
  
I sip some more at my tea, as a small blush creeps up my neck.   
  
Kuso, not again.  
  
Rolling my eyes at myself, I walk back to my room and desk, cradling my mug on my palm. After I had been seated, the blank piece of paper greets me, and I lose my ambition to write all over again, and I start to drift back to my previous thoughts.  
  
I am strangely relieved when the doorbell rings. Whoever it was, it can keep me away from my assignment for now! "Hai, hai!" I call, it feels strange to hear my own voice echo on the bare walls.   
  
Reaching the door, I peer through the circle of glass on my door and see an unfamiliar man at the door. I cautiously open it.  
  
The man is in a uniform, and looking just thrilled to be in front of my door. I'm being sarcastic, of course.   
  
"Special delivery from Hong Kong... If you will sign here, sir."   
  
Hmm...must be a package from home. I sign quickly and thank the man before closing the door quietly behind me, the big brown box safely in my arms.   
  
Plopping down on the sofa, I don't reach for the letter opener as I usually would. Heck, today's my birthday, I can afford to be a bit childish today.   
  
Quickly, I open the thick gritty paper and tug at the twine. There is a pure white box inside, and an envelope was attached. I rip it open to reveal a card, with a decoration of sakura blossoms on a long stem.   
  
How ironic.   
  
A bit more calm now, I started reading the neat, spidery writing of my sister.   
  
"Dear little brother,  
  
'O tanjoubi omedetto!' as they say in Japan, from all of your loving onee-sans and okaa-san. We miss you so much, but we are very proud that our little wolf is growing up and being so independent! Hope you like the present, all four of us got you a little something each, and okaa-san says that she put in a surprise! Congratulations on being another year older and hopefully wiser. We all wish you good health and fortune. Keep training and studying hard, little brother.  
  
With love, Min-Ting, Ling-Ling, Qui-Ting, Su-ming, and Okaa-san"  
  
I smile widely. They hadn't forgotten. My love for all of my sisters was renewed and I felt grateful to my mother. Setting all the ripped paper, strings, and the card aside, I took a deep breath and opened the glossy box. A waft of spicy sweet meets my nose. It smells like home.   
  
Min-Ting, my eldest sister had sent some study books on advanced magic. I felt a half-exasperated grin on my face as I leafed through the pages of small writing and complex illustrations. This was just like her.   
  
Ling-Ling, the fun loving and second to oldest had sent me a brightly colored jar full of candy and origami. The candy had been one of our shared favorites, and my heart was touched by the amount of work it would have taken to make that many paper cranes to put into the big jar.   
  
Next up was Qui-Ting, she was third from oldest, the most athletic of the family. Qui-Ting was the one who had taught me martial arts ever since I was little. I have yet to beat her in a sparring match. Her present was a stuffed wolf, with a predatory grin on its lips. The smile reminded me of her own battle expression.   
  
Last, but not least was Su-ming's present. It was buried underneath all the other items. I lift it in the air and gape silently. It was a picture of me and all my sisters 2 years ago! We are all gathered in a group, wearing matching robes and proudly smiling towards the camera. Feeling a lump form in my throat, I swallow quickly before gently setting the picture frame surrounded by yin-yang patterns next to the birthday card.  
  
Digging into the box once more, I search for my mother's present. Slipping my hand into the sea of white styrofoam balls that filled the box, I sweep my hand around until I get a hold of something. Pulling it out, I observe it in the light.   
  
It was a dagger. Beautifully curved, with a magnificent sheath. There was a number of wards and protection spells woven into the rich leather of its holder. Wordlessly, I draw the pretty but deadly weapon out. The beams from the overhead lights catch the ice blue blade, and glints brightly.   
  
The dagger was made by an extremely talented sword smith. The graceful angle of the lethal edge, the luster of the steel blade...it was perfect. For killing.   
  
When I start to replace the blade into the sheath, I hear the rustle of paper. There inside, was a small piece of parchment. Placing the knife carefully down, I shake out the creamy, thick piece of paper.   
  
"Xiao-Lang," it reads.  
  
"This is an heirloom passed down from many generation in the Li clan. The Elders felt that you were ready to receive it. If on your current mission, the use of this dagger is called for, do not hesitate to use it."   
  
I felt a bitter smile curve my lips. This was the loving present from my mother on my birthday? A weapon of bloodshed?   
  
I was horribly disappointed.   
  
Not because I have expected a greater present or anything of the sort. Because my own mother would use me as a killer if need be. The thought is pretty depressing.  
  
Sighing, I replace the dagger inside the box to put away. There was no use for the weapon. I would never kill Sakura. I know can't.  
  
The rest of the presents I pile on my living room table. They seem to cheer the empty apartment up.  
  
Glancing at the wall clock, I realize it's already 10:00 pm. I should go to sleep early to finish that paper in the morning.   
  
Ignoring the box in the corner, I clean up bits of paper and styrofoam from the carpet and turn out the living room lights. As I turned to walk into my bedroom, I felt my body tense. There was the aura of somebody nearby. I felt my shoulders stiffen, and I closed my eyes briefly as to get a better sense of who or what it was.   
  
I shouldn't have worried, for the aura was very familiar, I realize. I look towards the veranda window, and there was the source of the feeling; Sakura. She was hovering near the closed glass door, balancing on her staff transformed by the Fly Card.  
  
She's smiling and waving at me, despite the fact that she was hundreds of feet up in the air. I'm on the 15th floor in my apartment building complex, after all.   
  
Frowning-- from confusion, not anger, mind you --I step up to the window and open the sliding glass door quickly.   
  
"What are you doing here?" I ask in an incredulous voice. I couldn't possibly guess why she was here at such a late hour. Maybe a Clow Card?  
  
She must have seen the apprehensive look on my face, because she immediately shook her head back and forth until her bangs flew.   
  
"Iie! It's not a Clow Card, daijoubu yo, Li-kun." She grinned to show that there was nothing dangerous going on.   
  
I let my expression relax and nodded. "Wakarimashita. Shikashi...why are you here?"  
  
Sakura smiles at me. "Ano... I know it's sort of late...gomen ne, but I just finished, and I wanted you to have it today."  
  
"Nani? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Oh, gomen! Of course you don't know what I'm talking about!" she mutters, putting a hand behind her head in a sheepish gesture.  
  
I was still confused, but I guess it is kind of rude to have a guest outside the window...   
  
"Would you like to come in for a while?"   
  
Sakura looks relieved. "Hai, only if it isn't a bother. My legs are starting to hurt from dangling. It was hard to find your apartment from the air."   
  
I step aside and open the door a bit wider to let her through. She glides in, and I feel the rustle of feathers brush by my chest along with her scent of wild flowers.  
  
She hops off gracefully and gives a small wave of her staff. The wings instantly disappears from the staff with a small burst of sparkles.  
  
I turn on the light to the living room again, and head to the kitchen to make some more tea. Thankfully, I had enough hot water still in the pot.  
  
When I walk back out, Sakura is admiring the small pile of gifts from my sisters. Setting down the tray of soba cookies and green tea, I seated myself across the low table from her.  
  
"Oh! I hope you don't mind me looking, it's just that they looked very interesting," Sakura quickly apologizes, gesturing to the origami-filled glass.   
  
"Iayo," (Hoe! How do you spell that other masculine form of 'iie'?? o.O) I mutter, keeping my eyes on the pouring tea. Sakura takes the cup gratefully and sips, closing her eyes to breathe in the scent deeply. That gave me chance to observe her for a moment.   
  
Her cheeks are flushed from her flight, and her hair tousled, giving a natural effect in her soft honey-brown hair. She really is pretty... Not just because of her physical traits, but because her soul shows on her face.  
  
Her shining glass-green eyes are looking back at me now, and I can't help the blush that followed my awkward cough. "Ano, why are you here again?" I hastily ask.  
  
She giggles and reaches into her jacket pocket to reveal a small package, wrapped carefully with shining green paper, the color of her eyes. It is decorated with a forest green ribbon, delicately curled. She sets it down on the table and slides it towards me.   
  
I stare at the package for a moment, before raising my eyes until our gaze met.   
  
"O tanjoubi omedetto, Li-kun," she says softly, clasping her hands on her lap and smiling up at me.   
  
I remain speechless. How did she...? And why?  
  
My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "I... Naze?" I manage gruffly, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. I have never received a present from anyone outside my family before. It was so new to me that I didn't even know how to react.   
  
Sakura's face half-falls. "I...gomen ne, maybe I'm being rude by doing this. Maybe you didn't even want me to get you anything or..." She looks horribly guilty, and already tears are forming in her eyes. "It's...it's just that, you've helped me so much the time that you were here, and I wanted to show how grateful I was for everything..." she trails off looking dismayed.  
  
"Y...Yamero," I blurt out. She stares quizzically at me. "I'm not upset, just a bit surprised...Sakura."  
  
Her eyes widen, and the tears disappear as if by magic. "Li-kun... Did you just?"  
  
Damn, I slipped! "Sumimasen, it was a mis--"   
  
"Yokatta." Her happy voice cuts me off abruptly.  
  
"N...nanda?"   
  
"I thought you might be mad at me, but you just called me by my name. It feels like we've gotten to be better friends."   
  
She gives me another dazzling smiles, and I swear it made my heart lurch. My god, she looks gorgeous when she smiles.   
  
I feel another a blush follow that thought, and I quickly advert my eyes from her. "C-can I open it?" I hate it when my voice stutters. I grab the box in front of me and clutch at it, looking down at the bright wrappings, trying to avoid her eyes.  
  
"Hai, douzo akate!" She looks so much brighter now, her aura flares with honest joy. But even without trying to check on her aura purposely, I know that she was sincerely glad. Not only that, I trust her.  
  
Trying to savor the moment, I tug gently at the ribbon, and watch it loosen and fall on my lap. Next, I reach for the edges of the green paper. Finding a small gaping opening, I grab hold and tear it, as Sakura watches silently, her eyes sparkling with nervous excitement.  
  
By now, the paper has been partially shredded into my lap. I gingerly hold what it had been covering: a small cardboard box, surrounded by pink flowers.   
  
When I glance up at Sakura, she must have seen what I was wondering in my expression, because she flushed and muttered, "Ano...that was the only gift box small enough for your present...gomen."   
  
I actually managed to give her a small grin before opening the box slowly. "Iie, it's very pr--."   
  
I forget what I was about to say when I see what is inside. It was a small key chain, wound around with green ribbons, and at the end of the chain was a small-- obviously hand sewed-- stuffed wolf.   
  
"Tomoyo-chan told me it was going to be your birthday yesterday. I would have bought you something better, but I...I wanted to put my heart into it, so I made it myself." She looks down at her clasped hands and laughs a little. "It's not very well made... I was rushing, and I'm surprised I was able to finish it by tonig-- "  
  
"I like it."  
  
Sakura blinks and I feel her stare on my face. "Hoe?"   
  
I'm too busy holding the little ornament up into the light and admiring every stitch and hem to answer her right away. I could hardly believe it. Someone-- someone who wasn't even family, or even very close to me, had worked so hard in their own time, just to make me a present and get it to me in time.   
  
I feel my chest contract, and I had to swallow hard before answering her confused, yet delighted look.  
  
"It's the best birthday present I've ever gotten. Nobody besides my family has ever bothered to give me a present for anything before." I find myself saying these crazy things to her without even thinking, and immediately, I feel embarrassed-- no, mortified. Why did I just tell her that? Why?!  
  
I ventur to look at her face, and brace myself for the look of pity in her eyes. What will she think of me now?   
  
But what I see in her expression wasn't pity. Not even a trace of it, was in her clear jade eyes. There is only kindness, and warmth.  
  
"Honto ni? I'm honored to be the first to give you a birthday present from a friend then, Li-kun." She grins, and pretends to look angry at herself. "Mou! I _knew_ I should have gotten you something better! Next year Li-kun, I promise it'll be something spectacular!" she cries, overflowing with genki-ness.  
  
I chuckle a little, and Sakura breaks off from her little 'out-burst' and flashes me a rueful look. "Saa, I should get going, onii-chan is probably wondering where his little kaijuu-imouto is," she said with a wink, getting up and heading towards the open balcony.   
  
"Hai, you should," I reaply, putting aside the wrapping paper and ribbons. I couldn't help but sound a little wistful.  
  
She gives me another bright expression before summoning up her staff to full size. "Fly!" she calls, and straddling it carefully.   
  
"Chotto matte!" I find myself calling. I get up from my seat on the couch quickly. Pocketing the key-chain, I jog up to her, already at the ledge of my veranda.   
  
"Hai, Li-kun?"   
  
"Arigatou."  
  
"Anytime. I truly did want to thank _you_ for always being there for me. It always seems like I'm in need of your help constantly. I'm always guilty for that."  
  
I blink. She was thanking me? Just because I helped her out a few times on my own free will? I had always thought it natural, because...well, she seemed like the kind of person who just needed protecting sometimes. "Iie, it's nothing."  
  
Sakura looks back once and launches herself into the air. The wings on the head of her staff flap gracefully as she steers it in the right direction. I watch until her figure disappeared into the night sky,   
  
Sighing, I turn to walk back inside the apartment, when I hear a faraway cry. I'm sure it was Sakura. I strain my ears to hear what she is saying.  
  
"Remember, Li-kun! I promised you a better present next year--" and the voice fades out, but it leaves behind a smile on my lips.   
  
"Hai, next year," I murmur. I finger the wolf doll through the cloth of my jeans. Though I wasn't quite sure if _anything_ could top this year's gift.  
  
With one last look into the cobalt sky, I close the glass door behind me, locking the veranda entrance again.   
  
After clearing the tea tray, I reach out to turn off the living room lights once more, but something stops me. Acting on pure impulse, I stride over to the brown box that sit in the corner. Reaching in, my fingers find the dagger.   
  
Gripping it tightly in my fingers, as if I wanted to strangle it, I toss it into the garbage can, along with my chances of honor in the Li Clan.   
  
For the second time that night, I feel completely and utterly happy.   
  
Flicking off the lights and walking into my bedroom, I get ready to go to sleep. But instead of going straight into bed, I sit at my desk for a moment to think for a moment. How much has these new feelings and emotions effected my mission-- my life? And how are my feelings going to affect the future?   
  
I know that the consequences are not going to be pretty, but I didn't mind at all.   
  
Because...for the first time, the choice was mine.  
  
I suppose...for now, things are okay as they are. As long as the Cards are to be collected, and the 'disaster upon the world' is stopped, nothing can really go totally wrong.  
  
And...as for Sakura? I'm not positive of my feelings for her just yet either...but whatever they are, I do know one thing. They make me feel...happy. I'm glad, for I need a bit of that during my time here in Tokyo.   
  
Either way, she needs my help, ne? It's a good, warm feeling to be needed by someone. I can't remember anyone back in Hong Kong _needing_ my help as Sakura does. It's a totally new sensation for me, and it's strangely pleasant.   
  
I guess I have a bit of a tender part in my heart for her. I'm not positive why...but I can't lie to myself. I've tried, heaven knows, but disillusionments are a part of growing stronger, I suppose. I know Sakura will have to go through her own share of them soon enough.  
  
There's going to be many more battles up ahead, and I'm sure Sakura will be able to pull through most of them. She has a strong heart, I can recognize it easily. However, in some of her fights, I think she'll have to have a bit of assistance.   
  
She will have her moments of hesitation, fear, and maybe even sorrow. When that happens, I'll be there. To tell her to stop crying and pull herself together.   
  
If she is to be my 'soft spot' and warmth... I'll have to be her strength, and support, ne? If we keep helping each other, it will all work out in the end.   
  
Somehow, I am certain of that.  
  
Her image floats back into my mind again. This time, I don't try to banish it-- I hold it close instead, and take comfort from her bright green eyes that sparkle as if to say 'Ganbatte ne, Li-kun!'   
  
I can't help but smile.  
  
Sighing again, though this time for a completely different reason, I put away my school supplies. The paper will be waiting for me in the morning. I undress and put on my pajamas. Crawling into bed, I pull the cover over me and turn off the lamp on my bedside table.   
  
Right before I can drift into slumber, I slip my hand under my pillow and finger the lacy material of a handkerchief nestled there.   
  
Smiling in the darkness, I surrender myself to sleep.  
  
~Owari~  
  
*sob* not only was it crappy, it's LATE! T-T Next year, _zettai_! I _will_ write one in time!   
  
*sigh* at least I finished it on he next day... Too many fics to work on at the moment...mou! So many CCS fic to write...so little time...   
  
What's worse is, these days I'm captivated in the world of Gundam Wing. Oh what, like you didn't see that one coming. Five hot bishys and Hoshi Tenshi? *chortle* don't even need to see the end result of *that* experiment. I'm tempted to write a fic...but nobody in the female cast particularly is interesting...so I'll have to settle for a-- *gasp* -- crossover...! That small section in anime that all otakus love to hate and hate to love. ^^ but the fics are so fun to read! I'm a Usagi x 1 kinda person myself...hehe..._ 


End file.
